do you ever just have so much you need to remember and do that your brain stops working and you just walk around feeling like a lobotomised otter

snorlaxatives:

i don’t trust people who can fall asleep with jeans on

inbox:

I’m a teenager why does my back hurt I’m not 70 years old

urgh i have to wake up in 4 hours to go to set and i can’t sleep because it’s too warm and everything is uncomfortable and i dreamt that moby left me some sort of cryptic message and when i finally deciphered it it was just his face like:

"What are you doing?"

"Let me just step here. Now here. Oh, I bet that hurt. Now let me put my butt down here. Oh, yeah, that’s the stuff."

  • Me: This wine tastes like shit.
  • Me: Yes, I would like more.

why is the us air force emailing me

i’m a 18 year old girl from europe who hasn’t seen daylight in weeks

i think you can do better

Random girl: Oh, you’re listening to the Who! I love the Who!

Me: Yeah, what’s your favourite song?

Random girl: Umm… I think definitely Teenage Wasteland.

creepingmalaise:

My co-worker sent an email saying he would be late because he was trying to untie a squirrel tail knot. I asked for a picture, and he delivered.This is the email he sent:
 I was pressed into squirrel rescue this morning on my way out. 5 young squirrels got tangled in Christmas lights in my neighbor’s yard. We got the lights off, but now their tails are one big knot, so I have to bring them into a rescue place to untie them, as I am unequipped to untie squirrel tail knots. I should be in this afternoon.

creepingmalaise:

My co-worker sent an email saying he would be late because he was trying to untie a squirrel tail knot. I asked for a picture, and he delivered.
This is the email he sent:

I was pressed into squirrel rescue this morning on my way out. 5 young squirrels got tangled in Christmas lights in my neighbor’s yard. We got the lights off, but now their tails are one big knot, so I have to bring them into a rescue place to untie them, as I am unequipped to untie squirrel tail knots. I should be in this afternoon.
  • Me: I feel I swear worse than a sailor.
  • Me: I mean, what the fuck is up with that...

My relationship with homework:

Me:

Homework:

Me:

Homework:

Me:

Homework:

Me:

Write a pro-gay comment

Get more “thumbs down” than “thumbs up”.

My reaction:

I mean, why would you be against people loving each other and being happy?

When you realise that a song has a completely different meaning:

I thought I was going to get in trouble for not going home last night

So when I arrived this morning I was like:

And the first thing that my dad said to me was basically this:

Just…

My parents are such hippies.