I’ve done nothing with my life but my mum’s proud of me for some reason so I guess I can continue doing nothing with my life.

when my mum doesn’t answer me on skype I just start sending random messages

this happened on friday and she still hasn’t answered me and the body’s beginning to smell what should I do

The first time I looked at my mum’s facebook pictures

excuse me mum I have 8 followers on instagram I think I know how to take a picture

When my mum tried to explain how to use the internet over the phone:

I texted my mum that I won an Oscar and she criticized my spelling.

why do people celebrate birthdays so much i just happened to pop out my mum did most of the work go and ask her what she’s planning to do and what she wants as a gift I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS IT IS TOO MUCH PRESSURE

Trying to make my mum understand that I don’t want to go to the local film school:

blimey mum you don’t have to check up on me every 5 minutes i’m almost 19 it’s not like i’m going to spill tea oh god it burns

A text I didn’t expect to get from my mother:

(translation: But did they give you J├Ągermeister?)

  • Mum: Well when you move to the UK then you can just take the train and spend the weekend in France.
  • Me:
  • Me: It also means that so many of my favourite bands give concerts in the same country as me.
  • Mum: Yeah, it does.
  • Me:
  • Me:
  • Ambulance: So she just stopped talking and moving and started staring into space?
  • Mum: Yeah. Just sat there drooling.

Mum: Can you come off the computer and help me with something?

Me: But, mum, I haven’t reached the end of my dash yet.

Mum: Oh, okay, when you’re finished then.


  • Mum: So, do you need any school supplies?
  • Me: I think I can manage with one notebook for about a month or two before any of the teachers notice.
  • Mum:
  • Mum: That's a no then.

Mum: Well, you just have to move to a country where you can cycle all year round then.


When you start talking to your mum and she just stares back at you like:

and then you realise you started talking in the wrong language: