My cat scratched me exactly across my wrist…

Mum: Can you come off the computer and help me with something?

Me: But, mum, I haven’t reached the end of my dash yet.

Mum: Oh, okay, when you’re finished then.

Me:

  • i don't want to be too extreme for you guys but...
  • sometimes i make my handwriting uglier during tests...
  • just enough that it'll be a little harder for the teacher to read it...
  • ...
  • it'll take them way longer to read...
  • i'm stealing their time...
  • yeah...
  • ...
  • ...
  • bam.

My cat:

Me:

  • Mum: So, have you finished your homework?
  • Me: No...
  • Me: But a test on the internet did tell me that I'd make an excellent evil supervillain.
  • Mum:
  • Mum: I guess that's good...

When you get a paper cut on your wrist and people start asking you if you’re cutting yourself

At first:

After a while:

When you arrive home and you realise that you have the house to yourself:

When someone asks me not to laugh after they’ve just said something incredibly stupid

Outside:

Inside:

Burnt my arm cooking

The bandage around my arm makes me feel like I should be kicking some evil asses.

I’m going to make a presentation about David Tennant at school

Finally some proper education for this generation of morons.

Also - I’m going to try to fit in as many related jokes as possible to make the one person who actually knows what I’m talking about look like an idiot.

Using synonyms that are longer than the original word in homework so it’ll seem longer

and possibly more clever ingenious.

Parent: Do that, and that, and that.

Me: Oh, I can’t. I have a bunch of homework.

*goes to bedroom and starts listening to music*

When someone says that they’re on a diet

Me:

I’m an evil son of a bitch.

I got proof that school is the route of all evil.

It stopped and now I have nothing to complain about.

In a lift with my dad when two security guards come on.

I had the biggest urge to ask my dad: “Hey, did you remember to connect the detonator?”

Instead I just stood there like: