how can I skype with my cat

I started poking my cat’s belly when he was sleeping and his reaction was just a facepaw.

We have this gel for old cats that is good for their joints and I put some on my cats paw so he can lick it from there but he couldn’t figure out where the smell was coming from and ACCIDENTALLY PUT HIS FACE IN IT AND NOW IT JUST LOOKS LIKE HE HAS SHIT ON HIS FACE AND HE’S STILL SO CONFUSED AND I GOT A PICTURE OF HIM LIKE

I CAN’T I’M LAUGHING SO MUCH I’M CRYING

yes cat are you comfortable may i get you some champagne and massage your shoulders while i’m here

"What are you doing?"

"Let me just step here. Now here. Oh, I bet that hurt. Now let me put my butt down here. Oh, yeah, that’s the stuff."

GOD DAMN IT CAT ARE YOU WATCHING PUSSY VIDEOS AGAIN YOUR INTERNET ADDICTION IS SERIOUSLY GETTING OUT OF CONTROL

When my cat stepped in acrylic paint and then ran away:

my cat’s hobbies include sitting in the same position without moving for long periods of time, staring at you while contemplating on how he’ll kill you.

"Perhaps I shall stand on you while you sleep so you suffocate? Or shall I step in front of you on the stairs?"

my cat probably thought i was looking into his eyes but actually i could see tumblr reflecting on his cornea

my cat is wearing a turtleneck

My cat scratched me exactly across my wrist…

Me: Hey. Hey, cat!

Cat:

Me: Mmm… What… What are you doing?

Cat:

you know you’ve lost it when you start quoting the godfather to your cat

Watching football

Me:

My cat:

Me: Oh, I’m so sorry.

Friend: For what?

Me: My cat stepped on your banana.